Back in those heady, romantic 80s when big hair and shoulder pads entered a room before us, my boyfriend told me he wasn't sure our relationship would go any further because my health was faulty due to allergies and asthma. His family however, was "healthy German stock". I should have dumped him right then and there but I was too besotted with the guy.
He decided that I was worth it and so we married, became parents to two lovely daughters, survived the loss of one income and finally got a dog to complete the perfect family requirement. In that order.
I seemed to become healthier due to true love and my husband's side of the family did indeed seem to be of "healthy German stock". The only blip appeared to be his brother's wife when she was diagnosed with breast cancer 16 years ago. Through it all, she was incredibly upbeat and proactively cheery. She was pronounced healthy ever since her chemo treatments ended. "Healthy" continued it's merry reign until about 3 years ago when my mother-in-laws mother spent the last 12 months of her 106 years in and out of the hospital for pneumonia and other maladies more often than not. A dash of forgetfulness and hearing loss was thrown in for good measure. The year she died, my father-in-law was diagnosed with kidney disease and started kidney dialysis. After a rough beginning due to getting levels adjusted for him, he did really well. He did stop going to the cabin up north because he only wanted to go to the VA hospital for his treatments and not have treatments delayed to getting stuck at the cabin due to bad weather.
Fast forward to about a year ago, My mother-in-law decided to get a hernia repaired. At the pre-op exam, some tiny spots were found on her lung and liver. She was told that these would need to be looked at again in 6 months. She had her surgery, came home in a lovely Percoset haze, and her kids took care of her and cooked for their dad. Days after she returned home, her husband fell and broke a couple of ribs, was taken to the hospital overnight, and came back home in a lovely Percoset haze. With both of them pilled up, they needed constant care so my husband and his 2 sisters were over there taking turns caring for them 24/7.
My mother-in-law never really got better. Her mind was muddled, she worried about everything and never left her recliner to make anything to eat for herself or her husband. This really annoyed my father-in-law, a WWII vet, a member of the 'greatest generation', who was used to being waited on all his life. My husband and his siblings made and brought over meals for them. My mother-in-law hardly ate anything and her husband complained about the food and how everyone cooked everything so that it was too tough. He refused to even make coffee or heat things in the microwave. He was angry and took it out on his wife, who sat there not really knowing what was going on or caring, and took to calling my husband and my sisters-in-law to swear at and complain to them.
We all gathered together on Thanksgiving evening to share a meal with them as we did every year but this time, my mother-in-law did none of the cooking. We also found out that my brother-in-law had been coughing and getting weaker since late summer and had been diagnosed with asthma and put on some medication for that. He had his inhaler and said he was feeling better. We also found out that cancer had returned with a vengeance to his wife who had been cancer-free for 15 years.
Just after the beginning of December, my mother-in-law fell a few times getting out of bed. She ended up in a rehab unit after it was discovered that her vertebrae had been crunched; no wonder she was in such pain and didn't want to move. It was also discovered that those tiny spots that had been noticed a few months earlier had quickly grown. Chemo treatments commenced to teat her lung cancer.
My husband and his sisters took shifts to care for their parents. My father-in-law was so angry and scared at what was happening that he lashed out at everyone. His rantings upset both of my sister-in-laws and they got so angry they said they were done taking care of him. When this happened, the other 2 siblings would step up their time caring for their father. I became a single parent at the drop of a hat or should I say, a phone call. Happy new year everyone.
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