Poor, poor pitiful me

It's been a hard week at work and at home.

At work, it's the end of the year and we need to use up allocated funds on reading and listening materials for adults. Some of the budget goes towards 'refreshing' our collection (replacing over-used, possibly worn copies of books or books on CD). My supervisor wants to get the rest of her 'replacement' budget spent ASAP so I have been amping up the search of popular authors titles in our catalog and setting up carts of what we need to order. It's a boring job but someone has to do it and that person has been me for a good 10 or 12 years now.This year however, she changed some of the criteria. Daily. Hourly. I have never been more confused."Replace after 25 uses", "Replace after 30 uses", "Replace after 20 uses", "Unless it's publication date is more than 6 years", "More than 10 years", "There is an 'R' in the name of the month", "The cricket chirps more than 17 times in a minute". You get the idea.

On the home front, I have been trying to clean out the basement in anticipation of some remodeling but it has been slow going. This is both frustrating and de-motivating.Now the days are getting shorter and by the time I get home from work, there isn't much time to sort through boxes of stuff with decent light. Yes, there is electricity in the basement but one bare light bulb in a 12 X 12 foot area does not good light provide. Add to that 2 children who aren't being civil to each other and you will know why I have a short fuse. The other night I exploded to the teen about the way she was treating her younger sister. In a parking lot. It was a chilly, silent drive home.

Put this all together and what happens? A pity party at which I am the guest of honor. My mind started pulling up every hurt and slight it could remember, a tape kept playing in my head telling me what a worthless creature I am and citing examples all the way back to grade school. My family and co-workers weren't reading my mind and making me feel better. It was a dark little party with seemingly no one else to talk to.It was a long party too -- 3 days of uninterrupted pitying.

As I was getting ready to go to lunch today, a co-worker said she and another co-worker were going to Starbuck's for coffee and a writing session (why wasn't I invited along?!) and would I like them to bring back something for me. I didn't really need or want anything but I automatically nodded 'yes', gave her my order and a $5 bill. An hour later they returned with my medium caramel cappuccino. I took the cup from her and it immediately warmed my hands and the smell filled my head. It was a lovely sensory moment.When my drink was about 1/2 gone, I realized that my mood was a little brighter and before I finished my drink, my supervisor dropped off some more work at my desk and thanked me for working so hard on the replacements and admitted that it had been confusing but she was glad that the 2 of us seemed to be getting it figured out and taken care of. That made me feel better too. I finished my coffee and was sad that it was all gone but that was overshadowed by the realization that I finally felt normal for the first time since Monday morning. Appreciation? Caffeine? Endorphins? Running out of pity? I'm not sure but I am glad that the week ended in a positive way.

Suite evening

Sometimes you do something that you really don't care one way or the other to do; like where to go eat, or what to watch on TV. That's how I felt a few weeks ago. But first, a bit of background.
A few months ago, I met an online friend at a festival. We hit it off and talked for a couple hours about anything and everything. One of those 'thing's was music and while she was a big fan of a band fronted by a guy named Eddie, I knew of the group but had no opinion. I couldn't name a song of theirs (rather amazing for me). I felt so uncool. Even so, she said that she had an extra ticket to their upcoming concert in October and would I like to go and for me to think about it. We parted ways and in the following weeks, I thought about it.

It would be cool to go and maybe find out I love their music but did I want to buy the extra ticket for a concert that I would possible find  boring or horrible? I waffled like a saw being used as a musical instrument. I never gave her an answer but in my mind, came to the conclusion that my friend would find someone else who would really LOVE the band and be super excited to go.

A few days before the concert, she was on social media asking if anyone was interested. She didn't want to go alone and she didn't want to miss it either as she had never been to one of their concerts before. I kept thinking about it and 5 hours before the show, I contacted her to ask if the ticket was still available. It was and so I stated getting ready for the show. My sweet husband drove me to the arena, I found my friend, and we went inside. I knew the seats were behind the stage but they were in a suite(how cool was that?) and that was one of the reasons I thought it would be a fun experience to go. We stopped to buy a drink; another concert first for me. My waytooexpensive Bailey's on the rocks was wonderful to sip as we walked halfway around the arena to our seats. At least, I thought that was where we were going. It turns out my friend used to work at the arena and she was in search of some employees that she knew. We found them and there were lots of smiles and hugs. After the pleasantries, she asked if we could be allowed in to this section of suites to look for a friend who she was sure was here and probably in the local newspaper's suite for the one for a local radio station. We were allowed in! We took a peek into each suite as we walked by. Soon she saw someone and we entered a suite. It was indeed a friend of hers but not the one she was looking for. I stayed in the background as they hugged. I was introduced but couldn't remember her name 2 seconds later. In the meantime, a well-built, buff guy came up to my friend and they hugged, he put his arm possessively around the other gal and we were introduced. I promptly forgot his name too. Neither of them had seen this other mutual friend there yet but we were welcome to hang with them if we couldn't find this mythical friend. We continued checking out suites when my friend told me that the people I had just met were an old friend of hers and the guy was her husband -- a professional hockey player for the local team. Really, a local celeb of sorts. I wished I would've remembered their names! We  never found the friend so we went back to the other suite to rejoin the local celeb and their beautiful friends. A few more hockey playing buddies were there as well. I wonder who exactly they were...

The concert started and I am sorry to admit that I didn't know a single song they performed during the 2-`/2 hour concert save for the cover of John Lennon's "Imagine" and Neil Young's "Rocking In The Free World". I wasn't super impressed by the group as a whole. The lead singer was fantastic and the guitarist had phenomenal skills. The videography on the Jumbo-tron screens  was creative & wonderful to watch and the stage lighting and effects were pretty incredible too. So here I was, in a suite, listening to a concert, drink in hand, free food behind me (although I took none of  it) and hanging with professional athletes. I had no idea that this was even on my bucket list but I could certainly cross it off the list now!

The concert ended and as we waited for my husband to come get me, talked some more and had someone take a couple pictures of the two of us. On the way home, we made a late-night stop at the local Taco Bell and it was then that I realized that my Cinderella evening had come to an end; except for the memories of a night totally out of my normal world.

5 Things I Did This Week

Dishes
I washed the dishes by hand a lot in the past few days. Not because I wanted to but because I like the look of a clean counter more than a cluttered counter. The dishwasher hasn't been working the best lately and the amount of dishes hasn't been that great so it just made sense to do them by hand and be done with it.

Basic cleaning
I got a bit of general house cleaning done on Saturday afternoon. I KNOW it needs to be done but the 12 y/old set things in motion by having her friend, Grace, over later in the evening. That 12 y/old daughter of mine became quite the task master and I kind of resented cleaning for her. I guess I like to clean a bit more when it is 'my idea'. Don't we all.

Knitting
I did manage to get about an hour's worth of knitting done. It soothes me.I am working on what will hopefully be a prayer shawl. It is a manly gray instead of the usual yellow, pink, lavender and green ones. I am close to finishing it and had hoped to have it completed by the end of October. Mid-November is good too. I may even try to get some little gifts made next.

Reading
I took about 2 hours to finally finish the latest book by Jill Mansell. I love her books and usually devour them but this time I had a little trouble getting into the story and couldn't keep the characters straight. I don't think it is her fault, I have just been too busy to sit down and concentrate on a book for more that 10 minutes at a time lately.
I just checked out the new Mario Lopez autobiography from the library and should have that done in no time;I'm mainly looking at all the photos in it.

Tea for 25
I attended a planning meeting for the upcoming tea we are having at our church. This is something that I would normally be excited about but right now I am tired, not happy about it getting dark so early in the evening, feeling slightly stressed and needing a day or two with no one else around. I am becoming a curmudgeon like Andy Rooney and am starting to sprout the eyebrows to go along with the job.

12 Things

12 Things I Enjoy Doing And When Was The Last Time I Did Them

 1) Coloring -- this past summer at a picnic in the park hosted by our church. I started coloring because I like to and thought it would draw some of the kids in. I colored by myself. I enjoyed it 'tho.

 2) Swinging on a big, heavy duty swing -- I think it was the summer of 2012. I need to do this more often.

 3) Flying somewhere -- February, 2004.; more than a decade. Wow.

 4) Attend a Vintage Trouble gig -- 4 weeks ago.I think it's time for another.      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zP15yfMnQ3g

 5)Read a book for more than 5 minutes at a stretch -- 18 months ago? I think it was "Life" by Keith Richards.

 6) Crafting -- I love to knit but I am always working on something for someone else. I would like to make something for myself other than dishcloths.

 7) Painting a room -- painting our bathroom in August of 2012. Once I hold a paintbrush in my hand, I'm hooked and will paint anything just for the sake of painting. Or maybe it's the smell of paint...

 8) Biking -- over 25 years ago. I think I am out of shape now.

 9) Window shopping in Hastings -- over 15 years ago. The kids are old enough that they shouldn't break anything or even need to come with me. Hmmm...

10) Tending to my gardens all day. About 17 years now. Kids, parents, you name it. Maybe next year.

11) Going to visit my cousin in Las Vegas -- over 10 years. I love spending time with her.

12) Planning, creating & executing something for the house -- Youngest daughter's room was redone 6 years ago -- 4 beautifully coordinating colors, each wall a different color and then covered in white polka dots. 600+ lovingly cut out by me on mu lunch breaks for over a week.

Weather Pro

Being a native Minnesotan who has lived my entire life in the land of 10,000 lakes, I have spent 55 winters in the state. In my mind, this makes me entitled to comment as a winter weather pro. There are 3 components to a Minnesota winter: snow, cold, and ice. The variable is the amount of each that you have to put up with each and every year. A week or so of each is normal. The “January Thaw” is just that; a brief respite of mild weather in late January that melts some of the snow and lightens our attitudes.

The winter of 1975 had a lot of snow. I remember this because we drove to the western Minnesota town of Clara City in late November to attend my cousins’ wedding. We drove through roads with walls of snow taller than the cars to get there – sort of like this photo that was taken 3-2-14.

Some years it is all about the cold temps. Several winters were like this the first few years I was married in the late 80s and early 90s.There was a week to 10 days of the bitter cold and then the gift of a few milder days came upon us like manna from heaven.

Other years, like a few years ago, the winters are so mild that we end up with freezing rain instead of snow. Layers of ice cover everything; power lines, tree branches from the trunk to the twigs, even mail boxes are enclosed in a seamless, clear coating of ice. Safely inside, looking out, the world is a shiny, sparkling wonderland. Having stocked up on milk , bread and eggs, I can smile serenely knowing  that we won’t starve and that it will soon pass Like summer, the sun shines after the rain and the world sparkles like a crystal chandelier but in a day or two, the sparkle melts and it is back to winter as usual.

Last year, we put up  with 40+ days with temperatures below 0 degrees. We had just enough sun to make things icy. By below-0-day-35-or-more, I felt that I was either a character in a depressing Russian novel or I was about to write one. Then one week the sun’s angle was high enough and the days long enough so that the miracle of melting began in earnest. The ice on the driveway and parking lot at work was still there but there were actual bare patches in the sheets of 1-2 inch thick ice. That was still a lot of ice but hey, it was a start and cheered our frozen souls.

That winter season was long and rough physically as well as mentally. Maybe I am less tolerant the older I get but I was SO glad when winter was really over.

Now we are heading into another winter season. Predictions have been saying that this year will be worse than last year, Others say not so. I guess we'll just have to find out, I can't wait.

Treat Bags at a Funeral

This spring saw the passing of Lucille, a woman I have known my entire life. A native of our town, a friend of my mom and the person who had been a member of our church longer than anyone else living. Living into her 90s, she had lived an active life up until the last few years. Well into her 80s she remained an active member of the our state capitol's hiking club. I think that is pretty impressive.

She had a heart for helping and caring or others. At her funeral, I learned that she had always wanted to be a nurse but life had other plans for her and she never became an RN. What she did become was a caring mother, a doting grandmother who spent many hours caring for her grand-daughter and the caregiver to her husband who died before he could retire. After his death, she became a home health aide and worked with many people in the area. That job was interrupted with her daughter's diagnosis of cancer. Lucille cared for her divorced daughter up until the day she succumbed to it and also continued to care for her grand-daughter afterwards. A few years later, her only sibling died. Her brother, a farmer who never married, had his meals brought to him daily by his little sister, Lucille. She also did his laundry and mending. For the rest of her life, Lucille's only family consisted of her grand-daughter and eventually, her grand-daughter's husband.
Her beloved grand-daughter spoke with laughter and tears at Lucille's funeral. She shared quick stories of events in her grandmother's life, some of Lucille's favorite things -- flowers and the color pink -- and how she owed so much to her grandmother, including the desire to help others after Lucille's example; she became a nurse as her mother had before her.

At the luncheon that followed, cake was served with pink frosting and as each of us left, we were given a brown paper bag decorated with stickers of pink tulips and tiny polka dots containing a pink geranium. A tag was taped to the bag stating that we were to plant this gift in our gardens and to think of Lucille each time we looked at the geranium and cared for it. It was the only time  I have gotten a 'treat bag' for attending a funeral and while it seems kind of weird in a way, when I think of the lady and what the gift represented, I am touched by the gesture and fondly remember Lucille. Each time I look at those pale, pink petals I am reminded of her caring heart and hands and while life may not let you become what you want, just bloom and grow where you are planted.

Rock Show at the Civic Center

June 4, 1976.  A beautiful spring day, bordering on being hot.  A few puffy clouds in the sky, new leaves on the trees in that shade of green that is only found in spring-time leaves.  in the days of festival seating, my friend, Carol Anne and I waited about 10 hours in line for Paul McCartney & Wings at St. Paul's Civic Center. We made friends of the group next to us in line and spent the day talking, taking turns getting food to save our place in line, hearing the sound check and the security guard on the other side of the gate taunting and teasing us.  When the gates opened, making a run for it while the guys attempted to hold the crowd back. I almost fell in the crush of people but we managed to get seats for the gang about 7-10 rows from the stage. I just found this clip last week and I am sure if the quality was better, you could see us.  Surely it was a memory-making day and one of the best concerts I've ever attended.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxUTrMkH7Cc