The last place I wanted to be this past weekend was the local Dollar Store. Through the process of elimination (and some lame excuses) I was the chosen parent to shuttle my 12 year old and her friend there so they could pick up some party decorating supplies for a surprise party they were hosting for a friend. Once inside, they scurried through the aisles busily checking out what could be used in the decorating of their 'above-average' party. Meanwhile, I still needed to come up with something tasty to bring to a gathering the next day. Desperation is an excellent motivator and I found my party treat on the shelves of this store. What a thrill to find a brick of cheese for a dollar! As far as bricks of cheese go, it was fairly small but the price was right. I'm sure it was mostly NOT pure cheese but it wasn't like I was going to eat it all myself; no, a slice or two per person at a party was a better way to spread the GMOs, preservatives, glue, and whatever else was in that package.
The girls paid for their items and I was right behind them buying my cheese. As I left the store, I pulled up my hood to disguise my face in case anyone I knew saw me leaving with my purchased.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Fargo at 6 a.m.
The train got into the cities one hour late and we were tired by the 11 p.m. boarding time. The kids were subdued when we got to our sleeper car. Quietly we chose our spots to slumber. chatted a bit, and played with all the switches. How can such a small space have so many lights and switches?! One light was chosen to serve as our night-light as the train smoothly and silently pulled away from the depot, we closed our eyes.
Sleep didn't come easily. the sway of the train was comforting but the noises of the wheels on the track and the force of going round a curve didn't let me settle down. Ear plugs in and the volume turned down to 'barely audible' on my MP3 player relaxed me and soon I was drifting off. That is, until a really kick-ass song, "Midnight Black" by The Temperance Movement came up in the shuffle mix and woke me up.When that song was finished, I decided to stop the music for the night and laid there waiting for sleep to overpower me. I waited. And waited.
It finally happened and then I awoke to the sensation of the train stopping. Moments later we were on our way when we slowed to a stop for a few minutes and then started moving again -- but it felt like the opposite direction. When it happened again, I sat up and peeked out the curtained window. Where were we? Darkness was starting to lift. I looked at my phone to find that it was barely 6 a.m. In Fargo. The sun had not yet crested the horizon but there was that cool, barely discernible light that turns the world a multitude of shades of grey. Everything that is, except Sterneson Lumber. The red and green neon letters atop the building screamed for attention in the grey cityscape. Soon we started to move again. Then we stopped. Then we started moving again. Then we got closer to a red and green neon sign for Sterneson Lumber. And, we stopped. Were we going backwards? We started going in the opposite direction again, past Sterneson Lumber. Again we stopped. Then we started going in the opposite direction again past, you got it, Sterneson Lumber. I was afraid that this train trip had taken on a "Groundhog Day" element to it -- Fargo, Moorhead, Fargo, Moorhead, Fargo, Moorhead. We kept moving and never saw the red and green neon sign again. Turns out we had been inching our way over to another track so a freight train could pass. By the time we left Fargo without back-tracking to Moorhead, the world was turning a golden hue of morning. Buildings had become warm shades of brown, beige, brick and rough-sawn wood. Beautiful baskets of pink petunias hung from light posts for several blocks.A few cars appeared on the streets and as the town awoke, we rode the rails out of town.
Sleep didn't come easily. the sway of the train was comforting but the noises of the wheels on the track and the force of going round a curve didn't let me settle down. Ear plugs in and the volume turned down to 'barely audible' on my MP3 player relaxed me and soon I was drifting off. That is, until a really kick-ass song, "Midnight Black" by The Temperance Movement came up in the shuffle mix and woke me up.When that song was finished, I decided to stop the music for the night and laid there waiting for sleep to overpower me. I waited. And waited.
It finally happened and then I awoke to the sensation of the train stopping. Moments later we were on our way when we slowed to a stop for a few minutes and then started moving again -- but it felt like the opposite direction. When it happened again, I sat up and peeked out the curtained window. Where were we? Darkness was starting to lift. I looked at my phone to find that it was barely 6 a.m. In Fargo. The sun had not yet crested the horizon but there was that cool, barely discernible light that turns the world a multitude of shades of grey. Everything that is, except Sterneson Lumber. The red and green neon letters atop the building screamed for attention in the grey cityscape. Soon we started to move again. Then we stopped. Then we started moving again. Then we got closer to a red and green neon sign for Sterneson Lumber. And, we stopped. Were we going backwards? We started going in the opposite direction again, past Sterneson Lumber. Again we stopped. Then we started going in the opposite direction again past, you got it, Sterneson Lumber. I was afraid that this train trip had taken on a "Groundhog Day" element to it -- Fargo, Moorhead, Fargo, Moorhead, Fargo, Moorhead. We kept moving and never saw the red and green neon sign again. Turns out we had been inching our way over to another track so a freight train could pass. By the time we left Fargo without back-tracking to Moorhead, the world was turning a golden hue of morning. Buildings had become warm shades of brown, beige, brick and rough-sawn wood. Beautiful baskets of pink petunias hung from light posts for several blocks.A few cars appeared on the streets and as the town awoke, we rode the rails out of town.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Travelling Companion
The tea shop offered a quiet refuge from the noise of the city outside it's doors. A few people were scattered at the tables in the front of the shop, their eyes focused on their laptops or phones. Quiet ruled. She walked up to the counter and introduced herself as the musical entertainment for the evening. The young guy behind the counter looked at her, nodded, and asked if she needed more than a chair or stool. "A stool will be fine". she answered.
Opening up her guitar case she thought back to the first time she performed with him. They had met in college at the student center one evening; she was studying for a statistics test and he basic law. They had seen each other on the small campus but had no classes together. He asked if he could share her table and she agreed. They studied across from each other for almost an hour until he broke the silence.
"Coffee?'
"Umm, sure. With cream," she paused. "Thanks."
As they sipped their drinks, they made small talk. They both played guitar. She played folk songs on an acoustic; he played the blues.They agreed to see each other the following night. And the next.
They quickly became a couple. She sat and listened when he practiced with his friends. Later, after practice, they would play together, slowly blending folk and blues together -- creating a sound born of them. Friends were impressed when they played their music at gatherings on campus in the evenings. Full O'Beanz, the local coffee shop, let them perform for several Saturday nights. Soon after, they were performing at several small clubs from Stillwater to Onalaska on the weekends. For 2 years, life was a sweet adventure on the road, travelling together, performing together, even checking out laundromats together. Life on the road became hell when both started to take the other for granted and occasionally flirt with a member of the audience. Jealousy became their travelling companion. In Diamond Bluff, they played their last gig together and went their separate ways. Both completed their senior year while carefully avoiding each other on campus.
Graduate school became her life and was a balm after the previous year but eventually the call of music swelled within her and now here she was, singing and playing to a live audience again. Well, maybe only to 5 people who were all here for a reason other than listening to her. She settled in on the stool, started strumming her guitar, and sang to no one in particular, "Shot down like Katie Barker, in death misunderstood, oh for life to harken, back to what was good..."
Opening up her guitar case she thought back to the first time she performed with him. They had met in college at the student center one evening; she was studying for a statistics test and he basic law. They had seen each other on the small campus but had no classes together. He asked if he could share her table and she agreed. They studied across from each other for almost an hour until he broke the silence.
"Coffee?'
"Umm, sure. With cream," she paused. "Thanks."
As they sipped their drinks, they made small talk. They both played guitar. She played folk songs on an acoustic; he played the blues.They agreed to see each other the following night. And the next.
They quickly became a couple. She sat and listened when he practiced with his friends. Later, after practice, they would play together, slowly blending folk and blues together -- creating a sound born of them. Friends were impressed when they played their music at gatherings on campus in the evenings. Full O'Beanz, the local coffee shop, let them perform for several Saturday nights. Soon after, they were performing at several small clubs from Stillwater to Onalaska on the weekends. For 2 years, life was a sweet adventure on the road, travelling together, performing together, even checking out laundromats together. Life on the road became hell when both started to take the other for granted and occasionally flirt with a member of the audience. Jealousy became their travelling companion. In Diamond Bluff, they played their last gig together and went their separate ways. Both completed their senior year while carefully avoiding each other on campus.
Graduate school became her life and was a balm after the previous year but eventually the call of music swelled within her and now here she was, singing and playing to a live audience again. Well, maybe only to 5 people who were all here for a reason other than listening to her. She settled in on the stool, started strumming her guitar, and sang to no one in particular, "Shot down like Katie Barker, in death misunderstood, oh for life to harken, back to what was good..."
Sunday, November 9, 2014
The decline of healthy German stock, part II
Just after December had gotten going, my mother-in-law fell a few times getting out of bed. She ended up in a rehab unit after it was discovered that she had a crack or two in her vertebrae. No wonder she was in such pain and didn't want to move! It was also discovered that those tiny spots that had been noticed a few months earlier had quickly grown and chemo treatments commenced to treat her lung cancer.
After much arguing and verbal abuse from my father-in-law, he and his wife finally agreed to move to assisted living. My mother-in-laws 6 weeks in rehab were completed as she was not improving and so she was released the day before moving to their new apartment.With her in such pain, this seemed excessively cruel to me.
The day of the move, the kids helped pack up the things they were taking to the new place. They were ready to leave around evening rush hour, in a snowy, sleety storm. As the kids were getting their mom into the car, she exploded from both ends. The paramedics were called and she went to the hospital as her husband went to their new home. A flu bug was the cause of her distress and a few days later, my sister-in-laws husband, who had helped with the move, came down with it as did my husband and my father-in-law.
The thought was that putting them in assisted living would lighten the load for their kids but that didn't happen. Their new home was 14 miles further away for us and my younger sister-in-law. With the flu bug and the folks in separate locations, there were even more overnights to deal with.
Near the start of March, it became known that my husband's brother didn't have asthma. He had gotten worse and ended up in the hospital for about 10 days where it was discovered that he had lymphoma. It was a slow growing one we were told and they could treat it effectively. After his first treatment, it was found to be too strong for him and it set him back for a while. Weakened, he had to use a wheelchair to get around. At the same time, my father-in-law had some tests run and it was found that he had leukemia in addition to worsening kidney disease that was not responding to dialysis like it should. My mother-in-law decided to quit chemo as it wiped her out and wasn't really helping at all. All of this hit my father-in-law very hard and he made the decision to quit dialysis; this meant that he would die in about 2-3 weeks time.
The following weekend, my mother-in-law's sister and niece from Texas flew up to visit for one last time. We were all together at my in-law's apartment that Saturday afternoon. My father-in-law was talkative, my mother-in-law was quite lucid and contributed to the conversation with more than a one or two word answer. That afternoon was a great time spent with family.
On Monday, with everyone so worn out from all the running and caring for their parents, the decision was made to give notice on their apartment and have hospice take over the care. Wednesday the live-in hospice nurse started. Early Thursday morning, we got a phone call from my husbands oldest sister; the hospice nurse called and said to come quickly. My husband was the first one there even though we lived the furthest and it was morning rush hour. He said good-bye to his dad and moments later, he passed. Eventually, we all got there to pay our final respects and to find my mother-in-law laying next to her husband, holding his hand, a tear slowly trailing down her cheek. The cancer quickly spreading through her body had gone to her throat and taken away her ability to speak. She silently mourned her husband of 65 years. Three days later, she joined him in death.
Most of the family was there again but the mood was different. There was a feeling of finality, loss, and uncertainty dealt with by starting to clean out the apartment. Clothes washing, dividing up or tossing food and starting to clean up the apartment. I had made and brought over my mom's 1-2-3 hot dish but my husband and I were the only ones that are any. By mid afternoon, we were back home. Quiet, not silence, filled the house. I had no experience in what to say to comfort my husband. In my mind I questioned if I should force him to talk about it and make him cry or should I wait for him to take the lead? Instead, we talked about the usual and skirted around the obvious. He did admit that even though we knew what was going to happen, it was still hard but a lot of the emotions had been dealt with in the preceding weeks, especially when in the car, alone. At the moment there was the numbness that comes with the finality of life as you know it and stays through the beginning of how life will now be as you take it day by day, step by step.
A month later, a double funeral was held as a community of family and friends said goodbye. A few days later, my in-laws were interned at Fort Snelling under a wet, gloomy sky with a 21-gun salute and a lunch at "their VFW". Stories were told, glasses were raised to them, pull-tabs pulled, and we went our separate ways.
Sometimes I look at my husband, think of all the health problems in his family and wonder about his health. Is he worth it? Yes, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Yes.
After much arguing and verbal abuse from my father-in-law, he and his wife finally agreed to move to assisted living. My mother-in-laws 6 weeks in rehab were completed as she was not improving and so she was released the day before moving to their new apartment.With her in such pain, this seemed excessively cruel to me.
The day of the move, the kids helped pack up the things they were taking to the new place. They were ready to leave around evening rush hour, in a snowy, sleety storm. As the kids were getting their mom into the car, she exploded from both ends. The paramedics were called and she went to the hospital as her husband went to their new home. A flu bug was the cause of her distress and a few days later, my sister-in-laws husband, who had helped with the move, came down with it as did my husband and my father-in-law.
The thought was that putting them in assisted living would lighten the load for their kids but that didn't happen. Their new home was 14 miles further away for us and my younger sister-in-law. With the flu bug and the folks in separate locations, there were even more overnights to deal with.
Near the start of March, it became known that my husband's brother didn't have asthma. He had gotten worse and ended up in the hospital for about 10 days where it was discovered that he had lymphoma. It was a slow growing one we were told and they could treat it effectively. After his first treatment, it was found to be too strong for him and it set him back for a while. Weakened, he had to use a wheelchair to get around. At the same time, my father-in-law had some tests run and it was found that he had leukemia in addition to worsening kidney disease that was not responding to dialysis like it should. My mother-in-law decided to quit chemo as it wiped her out and wasn't really helping at all. All of this hit my father-in-law very hard and he made the decision to quit dialysis; this meant that he would die in about 2-3 weeks time.
The following weekend, my mother-in-law's sister and niece from Texas flew up to visit for one last time. We were all together at my in-law's apartment that Saturday afternoon. My father-in-law was talkative, my mother-in-law was quite lucid and contributed to the conversation with more than a one or two word answer. That afternoon was a great time spent with family.
On Monday, with everyone so worn out from all the running and caring for their parents, the decision was made to give notice on their apartment and have hospice take over the care. Wednesday the live-in hospice nurse started. Early Thursday morning, we got a phone call from my husbands oldest sister; the hospice nurse called and said to come quickly. My husband was the first one there even though we lived the furthest and it was morning rush hour. He said good-bye to his dad and moments later, he passed. Eventually, we all got there to pay our final respects and to find my mother-in-law laying next to her husband, holding his hand, a tear slowly trailing down her cheek. The cancer quickly spreading through her body had gone to her throat and taken away her ability to speak. She silently mourned her husband of 65 years. Three days later, she joined him in death.
Most of the family was there again but the mood was different. There was a feeling of finality, loss, and uncertainty dealt with by starting to clean out the apartment. Clothes washing, dividing up or tossing food and starting to clean up the apartment. I had made and brought over my mom's 1-2-3 hot dish but my husband and I were the only ones that are any. By mid afternoon, we were back home. Quiet, not silence, filled the house. I had no experience in what to say to comfort my husband. In my mind I questioned if I should force him to talk about it and make him cry or should I wait for him to take the lead? Instead, we talked about the usual and skirted around the obvious. He did admit that even though we knew what was going to happen, it was still hard but a lot of the emotions had been dealt with in the preceding weeks, especially when in the car, alone. At the moment there was the numbness that comes with the finality of life as you know it and stays through the beginning of how life will now be as you take it day by day, step by step.
A month later, a double funeral was held as a community of family and friends said goodbye. A few days later, my in-laws were interned at Fort Snelling under a wet, gloomy sky with a 21-gun salute and a lunch at "their VFW". Stories were told, glasses were raised to them, pull-tabs pulled, and we went our separate ways.
Sometimes I look at my husband, think of all the health problems in his family and wonder about his health. Is he worth it? Yes, for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Yes.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
The decline of healthy German stock. Pt. I
Back in those heady, romantic 80s when big hair and shoulder pads entered a room before us, my boyfriend told me he wasn't sure our relationship would go any further because my health was faulty due to allergies and asthma. His family however, was "healthy German stock". I should have dumped him right then and there but I was too besotted with the guy.
He decided that I was worth it and so we married, became parents to two lovely daughters, survived the loss of one income and finally got a dog to complete the perfect family requirement. In that order.
I seemed to become healthier due to true love and my husband's side of the family did indeed seem to be of "healthy German stock". The only blip appeared to be his brother's wife when she was diagnosed with breast cancer 16 years ago. Through it all, she was incredibly upbeat and proactively cheery. She was pronounced healthy ever since her chemo treatments ended. "Healthy" continued it's merry reign until about 3 years ago when my mother-in-laws mother spent the last 12 months of her 106 years in and out of the hospital for pneumonia and other maladies more often than not. A dash of forgetfulness and hearing loss was thrown in for good measure. The year she died, my father-in-law was diagnosed with kidney disease and started kidney dialysis. After a rough beginning due to getting levels adjusted for him, he did really well. He did stop going to the cabin up north because he only wanted to go to the VA hospital for his treatments and not have treatments delayed to getting stuck at the cabin due to bad weather.
Fast forward to about a year ago, My mother-in-law decided to get a hernia repaired. At the pre-op exam, some tiny spots were found on her lung and liver. She was told that these would need to be looked at again in 6 months. She had her surgery, came home in a lovely Percoset haze, and her kids took care of her and cooked for their dad. Days after she returned home, her husband fell and broke a couple of ribs, was taken to the hospital overnight, and came back home in a lovely Percoset haze. With both of them pilled up, they needed constant care so my husband and his 2 sisters were over there taking turns caring for them 24/7.
My mother-in-law never really got better. Her mind was muddled, she worried about everything and never left her recliner to make anything to eat for herself or her husband. This really annoyed my father-in-law, a WWII vet, a member of the 'greatest generation', who was used to being waited on all his life. My husband and his siblings made and brought over meals for them. My mother-in-law hardly ate anything and her husband complained about the food and how everyone cooked everything so that it was too tough. He refused to even make coffee or heat things in the microwave. He was angry and took it out on his wife, who sat there not really knowing what was going on or caring, and took to calling my husband and my sisters-in-law to swear at and complain to them.
We all gathered together on Thanksgiving evening to share a meal with them as we did every year but this time, my mother-in-law did none of the cooking. We also found out that my brother-in-law had been coughing and getting weaker since late summer and had been diagnosed with asthma and put on some medication for that. He had his inhaler and said he was feeling better. We also found out that cancer had returned with a vengeance to his wife who had been cancer-free for 15 years.
Just after the beginning of December, my mother-in-law fell a few times getting out of bed. She ended up in a rehab unit after it was discovered that her vertebrae had been crunched; no wonder she was in such pain and didn't want to move. It was also discovered that those tiny spots that had been noticed a few months earlier had quickly grown. Chemo treatments commenced to teat her lung cancer.
My husband and his sisters took shifts to care for their parents. My father-in-law was so angry and scared at what was happening that he lashed out at everyone. His rantings upset both of my sister-in-laws and they got so angry they said they were done taking care of him. When this happened, the other 2 siblings would step up their time caring for their father. I became a single parent at the drop of a hat or should I say, a phone call. Happy new year everyone.
He decided that I was worth it and so we married, became parents to two lovely daughters, survived the loss of one income and finally got a dog to complete the perfect family requirement. In that order.
I seemed to become healthier due to true love and my husband's side of the family did indeed seem to be of "healthy German stock". The only blip appeared to be his brother's wife when she was diagnosed with breast cancer 16 years ago. Through it all, she was incredibly upbeat and proactively cheery. She was pronounced healthy ever since her chemo treatments ended. "Healthy" continued it's merry reign until about 3 years ago when my mother-in-laws mother spent the last 12 months of her 106 years in and out of the hospital for pneumonia and other maladies more often than not. A dash of forgetfulness and hearing loss was thrown in for good measure. The year she died, my father-in-law was diagnosed with kidney disease and started kidney dialysis. After a rough beginning due to getting levels adjusted for him, he did really well. He did stop going to the cabin up north because he only wanted to go to the VA hospital for his treatments and not have treatments delayed to getting stuck at the cabin due to bad weather.
Fast forward to about a year ago, My mother-in-law decided to get a hernia repaired. At the pre-op exam, some tiny spots were found on her lung and liver. She was told that these would need to be looked at again in 6 months. She had her surgery, came home in a lovely Percoset haze, and her kids took care of her and cooked for their dad. Days after she returned home, her husband fell and broke a couple of ribs, was taken to the hospital overnight, and came back home in a lovely Percoset haze. With both of them pilled up, they needed constant care so my husband and his 2 sisters were over there taking turns caring for them 24/7.
My mother-in-law never really got better. Her mind was muddled, she worried about everything and never left her recliner to make anything to eat for herself or her husband. This really annoyed my father-in-law, a WWII vet, a member of the 'greatest generation', who was used to being waited on all his life. My husband and his siblings made and brought over meals for them. My mother-in-law hardly ate anything and her husband complained about the food and how everyone cooked everything so that it was too tough. He refused to even make coffee or heat things in the microwave. He was angry and took it out on his wife, who sat there not really knowing what was going on or caring, and took to calling my husband and my sisters-in-law to swear at and complain to them.
We all gathered together on Thanksgiving evening to share a meal with them as we did every year but this time, my mother-in-law did none of the cooking. We also found out that my brother-in-law had been coughing and getting weaker since late summer and had been diagnosed with asthma and put on some medication for that. He had his inhaler and said he was feeling better. We also found out that cancer had returned with a vengeance to his wife who had been cancer-free for 15 years.
Just after the beginning of December, my mother-in-law fell a few times getting out of bed. She ended up in a rehab unit after it was discovered that her vertebrae had been crunched; no wonder she was in such pain and didn't want to move. It was also discovered that those tiny spots that had been noticed a few months earlier had quickly grown. Chemo treatments commenced to teat her lung cancer.
My husband and his sisters took shifts to care for their parents. My father-in-law was so angry and scared at what was happening that he lashed out at everyone. His rantings upset both of my sister-in-laws and they got so angry they said they were done taking care of him. When this happened, the other 2 siblings would step up their time caring for their father. I became a single parent at the drop of a hat or should I say, a phone call. Happy new year everyone.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Poor, poor pitiful me
It's been a hard week at work and at home.
At work, it's the end of the year and we need to use up allocated funds on reading and listening materials for adults. Some of the budget goes towards 'refreshing' our collection (replacing over-used, possibly worn copies of books or books on CD). My supervisor wants to get the rest of her 'replacement' budget spent ASAP so I have been amping up the search of popular authors titles in our catalog and setting up carts of what we need to order. It's a boring job but someone has to do it and that person has been me for a good 10 or 12 years now.This year however, she changed some of the criteria. Daily. Hourly. I have never been more confused."Replace after 25 uses", "Replace after 30 uses", "Replace after 20 uses", "Unless it's publication date is more than 6 years", "More than 10 years", "There is an 'R' in the name of the month", "The cricket chirps more than 17 times in a minute". You get the idea.
On the home front, I have been trying to clean out the basement in anticipation of some remodeling but it has been slow going. This is both frustrating and de-motivating.Now the days are getting shorter and by the time I get home from work, there isn't much time to sort through boxes of stuff with decent light. Yes, there is electricity in the basement but one bare light bulb in a 12 X 12 foot area does not good light provide. Add to that 2 children who aren't being civil to each other and you will know why I have a short fuse. The other night I exploded to the teen about the way she was treating her younger sister. In a parking lot. It was a chilly, silent drive home.
Put this all together and what happens? A pity party at which I am the guest of honor. My mind started pulling up every hurt and slight it could remember, a tape kept playing in my head telling me what a worthless creature I am and citing examples all the way back to grade school. My family and co-workers weren't reading my mind and making me feel better. It was a dark little party with seemingly no one else to talk to.It was a long party too -- 3 days of uninterrupted pitying.
As I was getting ready to go to lunch today, a co-worker said she and another co-worker were going to Starbuck's for coffee and a writing session (why wasn't I invited along?!) and would I like them to bring back something for me. I didn't really need or want anything but I automatically nodded 'yes', gave her my order and a $5 bill. An hour later they returned with my medium caramel cappuccino. I took the cup from her and it immediately warmed my hands and the smell filled my head. It was a lovely sensory moment.When my drink was about 1/2 gone, I realized that my mood was a little brighter and before I finished my drink, my supervisor dropped off some more work at my desk and thanked me for working so hard on the replacements and admitted that it had been confusing but she was glad that the 2 of us seemed to be getting it figured out and taken care of. That made me feel better too. I finished my coffee and was sad that it was all gone but that was overshadowed by the realization that I finally felt normal for the first time since Monday morning. Appreciation? Caffeine? Endorphins? Running out of pity? I'm not sure but I am glad that the week ended in a positive way.
At work, it's the end of the year and we need to use up allocated funds on reading and listening materials for adults. Some of the budget goes towards 'refreshing' our collection (replacing over-used, possibly worn copies of books or books on CD). My supervisor wants to get the rest of her 'replacement' budget spent ASAP so I have been amping up the search of popular authors titles in our catalog and setting up carts of what we need to order. It's a boring job but someone has to do it and that person has been me for a good 10 or 12 years now.This year however, she changed some of the criteria. Daily. Hourly. I have never been more confused."Replace after 25 uses", "Replace after 30 uses", "Replace after 20 uses", "Unless it's publication date is more than 6 years", "More than 10 years", "There is an 'R' in the name of the month", "The cricket chirps more than 17 times in a minute". You get the idea.
On the home front, I have been trying to clean out the basement in anticipation of some remodeling but it has been slow going. This is both frustrating and de-motivating.Now the days are getting shorter and by the time I get home from work, there isn't much time to sort through boxes of stuff with decent light. Yes, there is electricity in the basement but one bare light bulb in a 12 X 12 foot area does not good light provide. Add to that 2 children who aren't being civil to each other and you will know why I have a short fuse. The other night I exploded to the teen about the way she was treating her younger sister. In a parking lot. It was a chilly, silent drive home.
Put this all together and what happens? A pity party at which I am the guest of honor. My mind started pulling up every hurt and slight it could remember, a tape kept playing in my head telling me what a worthless creature I am and citing examples all the way back to grade school. My family and co-workers weren't reading my mind and making me feel better. It was a dark little party with seemingly no one else to talk to.It was a long party too -- 3 days of uninterrupted pitying.
As I was getting ready to go to lunch today, a co-worker said she and another co-worker were going to Starbuck's for coffee and a writing session (why wasn't I invited along?!) and would I like them to bring back something for me. I didn't really need or want anything but I automatically nodded 'yes', gave her my order and a $5 bill. An hour later they returned with my medium caramel cappuccino. I took the cup from her and it immediately warmed my hands and the smell filled my head. It was a lovely sensory moment.When my drink was about 1/2 gone, I realized that my mood was a little brighter and before I finished my drink, my supervisor dropped off some more work at my desk and thanked me for working so hard on the replacements and admitted that it had been confusing but she was glad that the 2 of us seemed to be getting it figured out and taken care of. That made me feel better too. I finished my coffee and was sad that it was all gone but that was overshadowed by the realization that I finally felt normal for the first time since Monday morning. Appreciation? Caffeine? Endorphins? Running out of pity? I'm not sure but I am glad that the week ended in a positive way.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Suite evening
Sometimes you do something that you really don't care one way or the other to do; like where to go eat, or what to watch on TV. That's how I felt a few weeks ago. But first, a bit of background.
A few months ago, I met an online friend at a festival. We hit it off and talked for a couple hours about anything and everything. One of those 'thing's was music and while she was a big fan of a band fronted by a guy named Eddie, I knew of the group but had no opinion. I couldn't name a song of theirs (rather amazing for me). I felt so uncool. Even so, she said that she had an extra ticket to their upcoming concert in October and would I like to go and for me to think about it. We parted ways and in the following weeks, I thought about it.
It would be cool to go and maybe find out I love their music but did I want to buy the extra ticket for a concert that I would possible find boring or horrible? I waffled like a saw being used as a musical instrument. I never gave her an answer but in my mind, came to the conclusion that my friend would find someone else who would really LOVE the band and be super excited to go.
A few days before the concert, she was on social media asking if anyone was interested. She didn't want to go alone and she didn't want to miss it either as she had never been to one of their concerts before. I kept thinking about it and 5 hours before the show, I contacted her to ask if the ticket was still available. It was and so I stated getting ready for the show. My sweet husband drove me to the arena, I found my friend, and we went inside. I knew the seats were behind the stage but they were in a suite(how cool was that?) and that was one of the reasons I thought it would be a fun experience to go. We stopped to buy a drink; another concert first for me. My waytooexpensive Bailey's on the rocks was wonderful to sip as we walked halfway around the arena to our seats. At least, I thought that was where we were going. It turns out my friend used to work at the arena and she was in search of some employees that she knew. We found them and there were lots of smiles and hugs. After the pleasantries, she asked if we could be allowed in to this section of suites to look for a friend who she was sure was here and probably in the local newspaper's suite for the one for a local radio station. We were allowed in! We took a peek into each suite as we walked by. Soon she saw someone and we entered a suite. It was indeed a friend of hers but not the one she was looking for. I stayed in the background as they hugged. I was introduced but couldn't remember her name 2 seconds later. In the meantime, a well-built, buff guy came up to my friend and they hugged, he put his arm possessively around the other gal and we were introduced. I promptly forgot his name too. Neither of them had seen this other mutual friend there yet but we were welcome to hang with them if we couldn't find this mythical friend. We continued checking out suites when my friend told me that the people I had just met were an old friend of hers and the guy was her husband -- a professional hockey player for the local team. Really, a local celeb of sorts. I wished I would've remembered their names! We never found the friend so we went back to the other suite to rejoin the local celeb and their beautiful friends. A few more hockey playing buddies were there as well. I wonder who exactly they were...
The concert started and I am sorry to admit that I didn't know a single song they performed during the 2-`/2 hour concert save for the cover of John Lennon's "Imagine" and Neil Young's "Rocking In The Free World". I wasn't super impressed by the group as a whole. The lead singer was fantastic and the guitarist had phenomenal skills. The videography on the Jumbo-tron screens was creative & wonderful to watch and the stage lighting and effects were pretty incredible too. So here I was, in a suite, listening to a concert, drink in hand, free food behind me (although I took none of it) and hanging with professional athletes. I had no idea that this was even on my bucket list but I could certainly cross it off the list now!
The concert ended and as we waited for my husband to come get me, talked some more and had someone take a couple pictures of the two of us. On the way home, we made a late-night stop at the local Taco Bell and it was then that I realized that my Cinderella evening had come to an end; except for the memories of a night totally out of my normal world.
A few months ago, I met an online friend at a festival. We hit it off and talked for a couple hours about anything and everything. One of those 'thing's was music and while she was a big fan of a band fronted by a guy named Eddie, I knew of the group but had no opinion. I couldn't name a song of theirs (rather amazing for me). I felt so uncool. Even so, she said that she had an extra ticket to their upcoming concert in October and would I like to go and for me to think about it. We parted ways and in the following weeks, I thought about it.
It would be cool to go and maybe find out I love their music but did I want to buy the extra ticket for a concert that I would possible find boring or horrible? I waffled like a saw being used as a musical instrument. I never gave her an answer but in my mind, came to the conclusion that my friend would find someone else who would really LOVE the band and be super excited to go.
A few days before the concert, she was on social media asking if anyone was interested. She didn't want to go alone and she didn't want to miss it either as she had never been to one of their concerts before. I kept thinking about it and 5 hours before the show, I contacted her to ask if the ticket was still available. It was and so I stated getting ready for the show. My sweet husband drove me to the arena, I found my friend, and we went inside. I knew the seats were behind the stage but they were in a suite(how cool was that?) and that was one of the reasons I thought it would be a fun experience to go. We stopped to buy a drink; another concert first for me. My waytooexpensive Bailey's on the rocks was wonderful to sip as we walked halfway around the arena to our seats. At least, I thought that was where we were going. It turns out my friend used to work at the arena and she was in search of some employees that she knew. We found them and there were lots of smiles and hugs. After the pleasantries, she asked if we could be allowed in to this section of suites to look for a friend who she was sure was here and probably in the local newspaper's suite for the one for a local radio station. We were allowed in! We took a peek into each suite as we walked by. Soon she saw someone and we entered a suite. It was indeed a friend of hers but not the one she was looking for. I stayed in the background as they hugged. I was introduced but couldn't remember her name 2 seconds later. In the meantime, a well-built, buff guy came up to my friend and they hugged, he put his arm possessively around the other gal and we were introduced. I promptly forgot his name too. Neither of them had seen this other mutual friend there yet but we were welcome to hang with them if we couldn't find this mythical friend. We continued checking out suites when my friend told me that the people I had just met were an old friend of hers and the guy was her husband -- a professional hockey player for the local team. Really, a local celeb of sorts. I wished I would've remembered their names! We never found the friend so we went back to the other suite to rejoin the local celeb and their beautiful friends. A few more hockey playing buddies were there as well. I wonder who exactly they were...
The concert started and I am sorry to admit that I didn't know a single song they performed during the 2-`/2 hour concert save for the cover of John Lennon's "Imagine" and Neil Young's "Rocking In The Free World". I wasn't super impressed by the group as a whole. The lead singer was fantastic and the guitarist had phenomenal skills. The videography on the Jumbo-tron screens was creative & wonderful to watch and the stage lighting and effects were pretty incredible too. So here I was, in a suite, listening to a concert, drink in hand, free food behind me (although I took none of it) and hanging with professional athletes. I had no idea that this was even on my bucket list but I could certainly cross it off the list now!
The concert ended and as we waited for my husband to come get me, talked some more and had someone take a couple pictures of the two of us. On the way home, we made a late-night stop at the local Taco Bell and it was then that I realized that my Cinderella evening had come to an end; except for the memories of a night totally out of my normal world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)